For example: "I have every sympathy with Anya. I think most women would want to kill their partners if they were stood-up in such a fashion. "
"I have to admit, that I always liked Anya very much and never took that as anything different than a deeply hurt girl ranting about her ex-boyfrined. Haven`t we all at some point in our lives wished for someone elses intestines to be tied in a knot? I certainly have."
No. No. No. The experience they are describing, particularly in the second quote, is not Anya's experience - it's the experience of her victims. And by "victims"? I mean the women she tricked into wishing their exes dead. That was Cordelia's experience when she fantasized about Xander never again knowing the touch of a woman and Willow waking up covered in monkey hair. That was Nancy's experience when she wished her ex would become a worm. That was the experience of the woman in Selfless, who wished her taunters would have their hearts ripped out. They were venting. They were victimized by Anya making their fantasies real.
Anya was a woman striking her ex with what she knew from her past was a very lethal weapon. Anya is a murderer - and she tried to add Xander to her list. Anya was not harmlessly gripping. She was trying to torture her loved one to death, and at first she was disappointed when it failed.